How to Encourage Closeness Between Siblings From a Mom of Five
Today I’m sharing some of the ways my husband and I are cultivating an unbreakable bond in our five young children’s lives. Mothers especially have a big hand in helping to shape these beautiful relationships. It may involve some prompting at first, but I have no doubt that the fruit reaped down the line will be well worth it. Mamas, stay strong, and press on towards raising your beautiful children!
1. Have them share a room from a young age
From the moment our children were young, around 8 months to 1 year old, we have transitioned them, one by one, into the same room together. In fact, at this very moment, four out of five of our children, ages 2 to 7, are happily sharing a room! It’s always been our children’s preference to stay together in one room. This arrangement has been an enormous benefit for them as siblings, and for us as parents. My husband and I delight in hearing the many precious conversations coming from their room each night. It’s like a fun sleepover at bedtime, and I know they take comfort in that they are never alone. It has undoubtedly been one of the best decisions we have made for cultivating their close relationship! You can read how we sleep train our babies HERE prior to transitioning and how we transitioned siblings to a shared room HERE. You can read about one of the KEY tools that help keep them quiet, in their beds, and sleeping longer HERE.
2. Vocalize daily how blessed your children are to be each other’s “best friends”
As parents, our words hold great power for our children. Vocalizing what “best friends” our children are plants seeds of love! It’s such a blessing to have a sibling to grow up with, learn life lessons, and create memories with. Friends may come and go, but a sibling is forever! Vocalizing this truth gives children a sense of gratitude and pride to have this built in forever friend, and the more they hear it, the more they believe it!
3. Provide them with many shared experiences
My husband and I have always prioritized adventure, especially after having children. For this reason, our children have experienced many memories across the country together. These shared experiences hold many memories for them to reflect on and bond over.
Remember, these moments don’t need to be in the form of an expensive, grand vacation to be memorable. They can be small moments together learning a new skill together such as piano, or Brazilian jiujitsu, going bowling, having movie nights, weekly trips to get ice cream, beach days, game nights, cooking, baking together, errands with dad, etc.
4. Prompt them to think of each other
Finding ways for your children to think of their siblings will produce a lot of gratitude within their relationship. Whenever my husband, or I take each child out for their individual dates with us, we always let them pick out something from them to bring back home to the rest of their siblings.
Whether it’s a tasty treat, or a hot wheel car, this always gives the siblings at home a sense of security and something to look forward to, while the child that gets to spend one on one time with mom or dad gets to practice thoughtfulness towards his or her siblings. Doing this has resulted in our own children sharing much more with their siblings on the day to day, and asking unprompted in isolated situations, “Can I get some for my siblings too?”
5. Give them responsibilities over their siblings
Giving your older children responsibilities over younger children is a beautiful way to create a loving relationship. Of course, I don’t mean forcing them to raise their younger siblings, but often times it’s surprising how much they do want to help! Typically, before our littles nap in the afternoon, I read them a book. One day, I asked if any of my older children wanted to read to them while I put our newborn to nap. Both of my older children’s hands shot up with a look of desperation in their eyes! They gladly rushed in with their siblings and read to them both! Our two oldest still beg us to let them put their siblings to bed by reading them a book, or telling them a story. They don’t see spending time with their sibling as a chore, but as a privilege. We praise them for taking opportunities to show leadership and love to their siblings whenever we catch them in the act!
6. Display family memories and talk about them regularly
I really need to get better at making yearly family photo books, but I do have an endless supply of photo memories on my phone. One huge thing we did was print some of our favorite family photos from our full time RV living journey, and placed them around our home. Our children’s eyes still light up to see themselves on display with their siblings, and they think back about to all of their adventures together! We often sit as a family and watch family videos together and rekindle all of our sweet memories.
7. Have them pray for each other when they are sick or troubled
When our children are sick, or have problems, we don’t fail to pray for them. It starts with us as parents, but we also ask if any siblings would like to pray, and from a young age their hands shoot up! You should hear my 2 year old pray for her siblings! Those precious prayers go on, and on, and oooooon. :-) Often times, children just need to know that they have the permission to pray and it’s not “an adult thing!” Instilling this compassion at a young age for their siblings is a great way for them to think of each other.
8. Let them be bored and creative together
Childhood memories do not need to revolve around constant planned activities. Let siblings be bored together and watch them create the most unbelievable memories! We teach our children that being bored is good. We get excited for them, and tell them we can’t wait to see what they will end up creating in the midst of their boredom. Supply your home with great books, art supplies, pillows and blankets for forts, get them enough dress up clothes to play together, build together with magnetiles, blocks, encourage them to use their imagination together to create games, make music, etc. It’s all about doing it together.
9. Have them create personalized birthday cards for each other
Every year, when one of our children has a birthday, their siblings each create a special handmade card for them. The amount of time, effort, reflection, and thoughtfulness that go into these cards is the sweetest labor of love and a great keepsake. The siblings wake up early to help me decorate the house for the birthday child! They love to be involved and make it extra special for their sibling. We go around the table and everyone shares what they love about the birthday boy or girl. This just opens up more opportunities for kind words throughout the rest of the year.
10. Have them complete chores together
We give each of our children age appropriate chores and responsibilities from a young age. This really builds a sense of teamwork when everyone is working together to get a job done. After every meal, mommy and all the siblings work together to clean our living space! I recently heard not to pin the children against each other in these situations, but if anything jokingly pin them against mom or dad! “Bet I can clean the kitchen better than you four can clean the living room!! Mommy Vs. Siblings…Ready?…GO!” See how the teamwork factor can drastically improve among them as oppose to saying, “Let’s see which one of you four is the quickest! YAY, little Benny is the best!”? That wouldn’t end well, and could possibly create resentment between them.
11. Do not compare your children
Do not, I REPEAT, DO NOT compare your children!! Siblings are a blessing, and each are special in their own way. There’s no quicker way to separate siblings than to make comments of comparison. This only builds a wall of defeat, insecurity, and jealousy between them!
Look for opportunities to remind your children that you have no favorites, love each of them equally, and how each child has so many unique and special things about them that make them priceless to your family! Building this confidence in each of your children will give them the security and joy necessary to enjoy their siblings without fear.
12. Give them a goal to accomplish together
Often times, we will give our children a goal to work towards together with a reward to look forward to at the end! For example, we recently got a half broken piggy bank from a yard sale for free (my children were besides themselves with excitement)! If only it came with money, haha! We decided that our children would work together to fill it up, and once it’s filled my husband and I will surprise them with a fun sibling experience! Every time our children find change, or get money, they eagerly run to the piggy bank, and excitedly wonder what their surprise together may be!
Puzzles have also worked wonderfully in this way! We recently completed a 500 piece puzzle together, and it was amazing to see the older children each take ownership of a section to put together. Each of them connected over helping each other, giving any pieces they found of the other sibling’s section, and encouraging them to not give up. They celebrated together once the puzzle was completed because they didn’t give up! We currently have our next 500 piece puzzle scattered across our kitchen table. What a rewarding and family bonding activity!
13. Family traditions
Family traditions aren’t only for enjoying in the present, but for your children to reflect on in the future. Familiar memories of love and joy will be sure to spark endless conversations between them for the rest of their lives. This could be family dinners, Sabbath traditions, poetry tea time, nature walks, nightly Bible devotions, special holiday traditions, birthday traditions, weekly movie nights, game nights, vacations, family recipes, and more!
14. Teach them healthy boundaries
The beautiful thing about having children is that they are able to learn many of life’s earliest and most important lessons with their siblings! One of these life lessons will undeniably be establishing healthy boundaries. For example, if you don’t teach little Betty to respect older Billy’s LEGO collection, then it’s safe to say they won’t have the most pleasant relationship.
However, if you can teach little Betty boundaries and respect, not only will there be less yelling in the house, but Billy will appreciate his little sister a whole lot more instead of dreading her mere presence. This is just one example of how parents can lend a helping hand to fostering love and respect in their children’s lives. Of course, they will eventually figure these life lessons out, but the sooner they learn, with the help of mom and dad, the more peace and harmony they will experience with their siblings.
15. Teach them how to apologize and forgive each other
Teaching your children how to apologize, forgive, and make peace together will make a happier home and a stronger bond. This lesson of humility will strengthen their relationship, foster emotional growth, teach conflict resolution, create a positive family dynamic, and preserve their future relationship. We make sure the child who is in the wrong goes directly to the offended, and sincerely apologizes by stating the offense, and having eye contact. Equally important, the offended should choose to accept the apology, and forgive. At least in this season of their lives, the grievances are quickly forgiven, forgotten, and they join back together in play. As parents, the easiest way we can teach this is by modeling it ourselves.
16. Create opportunities for them to serve each other
We use the term “serve” a lot in our home as one of the main ways to actively show each other love. “How can I serve you?” “Can someone please serve Mommy, and get me a diaper and wipes? Thank you so much! You are so kind!” “Hey honey, you forgot to put your shoes away like I asked you. I’m happy to serve you this time, but next time, please put your shoes away.”
Whenever I choose a child to help me make meals, or a dessert, I’ll tell the other children, “Hey guys, can everyone please thank so-and-so for the food? So-and-so thought of you all, and made it for you all so kindly!” This produces a great amount of gratitude from the siblings, and gives my helper a sense of pride and pleasure in doing something nice for them.
17. Teach them to celebrate each others victories
We all know sibling rivalry can be a thing, but it doesn’t have to be. One way we combat this early on is by teaching our children to celebrate each other’s victories together. Did someone finish a work book, get a special acknowledgement, face their fear, complete a big task, reach their personal goals? We throw a “sprinkle party” where we each get a bit of dye free sprinkles to celebrate and congratulate that sibling! This helps them share their excitement for their sibling and partake in the celebration! We model words of encouragement like, “Congratulations!” “I’m so proud of you!” “YAY, you did it!” You can imagine how excited our children get when this happens!
(I also want to add that we always look for opportunities for the children to encourage their siblings in any obstacles that they may encounter. If they come to a challenge we will encourage our other children to root them on to succeeding!)
Have you ever served dessert in your home, and witnessed your children whining about who got the bigger piece? We combat this moment with a game! Whenever we serve dessert, we congratulate whichever sibling randomly got the bigger piece! More than half the time, the child with the bigger slice makes the choice to share, unprompted, because they feel so loved by all of their siblings! Then all the siblings start sharing together. It almost always becomes one big love fest one way, or another!
I hope you’ve enjoyed some of the many ways we are fostering closeness between our five children. Share any extra ideas you may have in the comments below! As loving mothers, it certainly is an honor to help facilitate this love between our children. Happy bonding!
Cool, Mom, and Collectedly Yours,
