The Importance of Friend Dates: Why Moms Should Prioritize In-Person Connections
I recently had a date with a best friend of mine that was long overdue. We set a day in advance that worked with each of our husband’s schedules to watch the kids, and drove over an hour each to spend several hours of “best friend bliss” together. We had a delicious brunch, exchanged gifts, thrifted to our heart’s desires, and grabbed coffee where we laughed, cried, and poured wisdom/encouragement into each other’s spiritual cups wherever they lacked. It was life giving, and extremely confirming that we needed it more often.
Today, I'm sharing why I believe all moms—Yes, YOU—-need to prioritize in-person connections. In today’s social media world where para social relationships and surface-level friendships thrive, people are forgetting the beauty of real-life connection. I'm here to remind you that we are, first and foremost, meant to touch, feel, see, taste, and experience friendship in the flesh. Can social media and long distant friendships be genuine and worth investing in? Of course! However, in-person friendships will fill your cup in ways that a DM (direct message) or “LIKE” simply cannot.
Keep on reading to see why YOU may be overdue for a friend date. Then pick up your phone, call that wonderful friend that’s been on your heart, and make it happen!
Feel the warmth of a friend
Don’t get me wrong, a long distance phone call is nice, but can I just ask when the last time you hugged a friend was? Like fully embraced each other so hard you both shook with excitement!? Or looked a friend straight in their eyes without the headache of bad cell reception, or poor resolution? That long, huh? This needs to change! Mothers need to experience face-to-face interactions so they can remember what that sensation feels like again. The level of “surreal” that one can feel just to be in the same room with a loved one is a precious moment worth experiencing again and again!
Uninterrupted emotional support
Have you ever had a phone call with a friend where you can never quite finish your sentence because you’re also tending to your motherly duties? Or sent a heartfelt text to a mom friend, only to be left waiting days before you finally got a response? It definitely kills the mood, and yet as busy moms, it seems we’ve all been there! Socializing in person with a friend helps eliminate these distractions, and allows for the high quality connection that all friendships were meant to have!
Spending time with a friend in person can help alleviate stress, lower anxiety, and boost overall mental health, making moms feel more balanced and less overwhelmed.
Now, just to be clear, the purpose of these dates aren’t an excuse to bash husbands, or whine about children. (That’s not life giving. That’s life grieving, and you won’t return home any happier!) My friends and I use this time to inspire, motivate, encourage, problem solve, and edify one another, all while having fun! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says,“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”
Self care for the soul
Making time for in person connections provides moms with an opportunity to step away from the daily demands of motherhood, engage in some enjoyable activities, and restore their energy. I recently asked myself which form of self care truly filled my cup, left me feeling refreshed, and inspired me to return home as a better mother? It wasn’t doing my nails, or going on a shopping spree, which nothing is wrong with by the way. The answer, time and time again, was spending time with a trusted friend! Now, once a month, my self care treat to myself is making this a consistent reality!
To the mother who has a hard time stepping away from her children due to mom guilt, I encourage you to commit to taking this leap at least once. It’s healthy for us to release control, and depend on our husband’s help during this time. Don’t believe the lie that needing time for yourself makes you a bad mother. It makes you human!
Top tips: Choose a date and time that works for both you and your husband/children, ensure your responsibilities at home are done prior to your departure, and choose to spend time with a loyal friend that will fill your cup instead of drain it.
Create stronger bonds
Meeting with friends in the flesh help to create more lasting, meaningful memories that virtual interactions often lack. It’s one thing to talk on the phone, or chat via text, but there’s nothing quite like experiencing new, tangible memories together. A lot of effort goes into arranging busy schedules just to make these in person meetings a reality! This act of love puts a lot of mutual respect, value, and confidence back into the friendship. One best friend and I have decided to make time for each other by meeting at a different cafe monthly. Another friend and I are even planning a challenge to sell things on Facebook marketplace to fund our next dream date at the SPA! OH, the complete thrill we both have looking forward to that date together! :-)
Model healthy friendships
By taking time away to meet with a trusted friend, moms can set a great example for their children on the importance of healthy relationships. In this way, children are able to understand the value of strong connections, and how to foster them in their own lives. They can also practice being happy for mommy to have a fun “mommy date out” because “mommy has great friends too!” Plus, Mama always brings Daddy and them a tasty treat home, so why wouldn't they be? :-)
Prevent burnout
Making time for in person friendships is one sure way a mother can help prevent burnout. Although a complete gift, motherhood can sometimes feel heavy and monotonous. Some seasons can even feel like the same day is happening over and over. Whether it's grabbing coffee, or going thrifting, these moments offer a break from a mom’s usual routine, and give her a chance to laugh and enjoy life alongside a friend. Mind you, this does not have to be an every day, or even once a week thing. I started this a few months ago, and my monthly friend dates have left me beaming! I believe this is a realistic goal as a mom of five small children, and thankfully, my husband supports and happily relieves me, which I also do for him! We see how this intimate time with our friends refreshes us both, fills our cup, and gives us the sense of community we need.
I hope you enjoyed reading why I believe it's so important for moms to prioritize in-person relationships. So, here I am, that mom friend, telling you not that “you deserve it," but that “you need it.” Send this post to a girlfriend you need more time with, and set up your first in-person friend date together, even if it's months in advance. I truly believe your future selves will be so happy you did. Happy friend date!
Cool Mom, and Collectedly Yours,
