My Miscarriage and God's Hand in My Story (PART 2)
Welcome back, friends, to PART TWO of "My Miscarriage and God's Hand in My Story." Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement after reading PART ONE! I have been looking forward to sharing the second part of my story where you can really see God's faithfulness after a most difficult season. I hope this is of great encouragement to you! You are NOT alone!
PART TWO: MY MISCARRIAGE
On January 5, 2016, in the middle of the night, I woke up with intense cramping/bleeding, and knew instantly in my heart...it was happening. My baby's heartbeat had already been confirmed to have stopped prior, but upon miscarrying, I was warned my body would experience contractions similar to when in labor. (I can now attest that the pain during miscarriage is very similar to that of labor, except sadly, at the end, there is no reward of a child.) I quietly entered my bathroom, put on worship music, and prayed earnestly, asking God for help. I strangely felt a sense of peace on top of all the pain, and knew it was His hand of comfort. Even though I was alone in that moment, I still felt safe.
A few hours later, my husband and I decided to go to the hospital for further medical assistance, as well as the required D/C (dilation and cutterage.) I was so thankful for my husband's constant love and support during such a difficult season for us. I remember waking from the procedure feeling…empty. As much as we wanted our baby alive earth-side, we knew there was no safer place in the whole world for our baby to be than with Jesus...and we do believe we will meet “him” or “her” one day! I held onto this hope, and reflected on my favorite verse, Romans 12:12. Again, it states "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”
After we returned home, with the support of my mom and my husband, I started to heal. (Each and every woman that has experienced miscarriage shares an equal pain/loss of a baby, and should take as much time as they need to heal, no matter how far along they were.) For me, the best way to deal with my grief was through prayer and journaling. I journaled every day, wrote down Scripture, and prayed to God! I ended my journal, regarding my miscarriage, with this hope-filled reminder; "I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9. I didn’t know what my future held, but deep down I believed that God was up to something wonderful!
I stared at what would have been my "due date" (July 30th, 2016) marked in my planner for the baby I had miscarried. I remember feeling both sadness and a strange confidence that the Lord would do something special by this day! In faith, I picked up my planner, and wrote over my due date, "Look what God has done!!" I wanted to remind myself that God was not finished with me yet. When that day finally arrived, I was in AWE! On that very day...July 30th, 2016...I found out that I was pregnant with my firstborn son!! That EXACT DAY. “Look what God has done!!” Is that crazy??? Not for God! It was exactly in His plan, and He continued to cover me with a blanket of His love! (If my previous child had been born, I would have NEVER had my son because of the timing.) If my son wasn't a gift enough of Gods faithfulness, He later gifted me with my daughter as well! Jeremiah 29:11. The Lord had a plan to prosper me, and it was better then my own. His timing is best.
My miscarriage story, although similar to others, is completely unique in how the Lord comforted me, and how I believe He can comfort you. He cared for me in my miscarriage, and carried me through long enough to see daylight. Looking back, I miss my intense dependence on my Creator during that season of difficulty; dealing with such hardship that you HAVE to rely on Him throughout your WHOLE day in order to survive. I understand now how trials provide us an opportunity to grow and walk closer than we ever have with our loving Savior. "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4.
As I reflect on what God has done for me, and how He has grown me through my miscarriage...I am reminded to look past my trials, and trust what God is capable of in the midst of them! In the end, I know that God has a plan, even when we don't, and in all things…He is faithful.
Some more verses I loved to meditate on during my pregnancy/miscarriage:
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed." Psalm 34:18
"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.'" Job 1:21b
“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:7
“Do not be anxious for anything, but in all things through prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." Phillipians 4:6
“Of how much more value are you then the birds?" Luke 12:21
Thank you all so much reading my story! If you've had, or are in the midst of miscarriage, I hope this encourages you to draw near to God, and allow Him to carry you through as you heal. If you can't relate to miscarriage, then what other trial are you going through in life that you need God to carry you through? He can, and will do it! It may not be in your timing, and you may not be able to see the full picture just yet, but He has a plan for you. Seek him, lean on him, and allow Him to carry you!
Cool, Calm, and Collectedly Yours,
