How We Approach Screen Time with Our Toddler!
Hey friends! Today I want to chat with you “all things screen time!” I know screen time has saved us all at one time or another. Maybe we were in desperate need of a shower, had to run down to the basement, or our youngest had a blowout and required some serious undivided attention? Screen time is not the enemy, but it can easily become one if not handled wisely. My husband and I've always wanted our kids to gravitate towards relationships over technology, and we believe the following choices are helping us to achieve that!
Our 2.5 year old watches about 3-4 hours of TV a week. To some that may be a lot, but from what we've experienced it's more on the minimal side. Aside from that, he has no access to iPads, or any other electronic devices. We keep it simple, and it’s worked perfectly for our family with no regrets. I hope our approach to screen time can help some other mamas out there see that less is more!
I’d also like to disclaim that this post is not intended to cause anyone guilt. This is a judgement-free platform where I share the experiences that worked well for my family in hopes of helping a fellow mama! Since everyone is different, I’d love to hear what has worked for your family in regards to screen time in the comments below!
I'm not the “perfect mom” because the “perfect mom” doesn't exist! We are only the perfect moms hand-chosen for each of our children! :) My tactics may not work for your family, or you may be excited to implement them! I believe routine and consistency can change any scenario, so stick with it and push through.
Hold off till after age 2
The American Academy of Pediatrics states, “For children ages 2 to 5 years, limit screen use to 1 hour per day of high-quality programs. Parents should co-view media with children to help them understand what they are seeing and apply it to the world around them.” My husband and I didn’t allow any form of technology with our son until after he turned 2 years old. Although it wasn’t always convenient, we can both vouch that it was the BEST decision for us, and we’ve seen great social skills in our son because of it!
What they don’t know won’t hurt them!
It may sound strange for some to hear that a child doesn’t watch TV before 2, or that they only watch a few hours each week, but kids are oblivious to what they are “missing out on.” A child won’t expect 2 hours worth of TV unless he is being regularly exposed to 2 hours worth of TV! If you introduce a child to a healthy 30 min to an hour occasionally here and there, they will not have a strong need, expectation, or entitlement for the TV every single day.
Distract with other activities
For many parents, TV is the sole tool used when needing to create distraction throughout the day. My husband and I like having different distractions on hand for our toddler such as play doh, kinetic sand, coloring books, bubbles, music, children’s audio stories, different arts and craft activities, toys that we rotate, etc.
Once it’s turned off, it’s off!
I think a lot of parents crumble under pressure here. Let me set the scenario: Your child has been watching TV, and it’s time to turn it off. Cue the whining and tantrums! So, to avoid World War III, you turn it back on a little longer…and a little longer…and a little longer. Before you know it, you can’t turn off the TV without an explosion of tears!! Our house rule is once our son’s time limit for watching TV is up, we turn it off, and it stays off for the rest of the day. This keeps expectations at bay, and saves us from a lot of tantrums.
Give a timer warning
Imagine you’re watching TV, and some tall guy comes over, turns it off with no warning, and says with a big smile on his face, “OK, all done!” Would you be happy?? I didn’t think so. If grown adults need proper warning before having their program interrupted, then can we really expect a higher level of maturity from our children? We inform our toddler with, “Son, 5 more minutes, and then we are going to say ‘See you next time’ to Daniel Tiger!” We are not asking, or compromising. We are firmly stating in a loving way what he can expect to happen in 5 minutes. Setting this expectation makes for easier transitions, and it can be even more helpful to have your child’s next activity ready so they are not going from high screen-stimulation to nothing.
Don’t let your toddler hold your phone!
My hubby and I don’t let our toddler hold our phones, electronics, or remotes. We believe this helps us avoid many power struggles having to do with screen time. If it’s already out of their hands, then there’s nothing for you to take away from them. It removes the idea that they are in charge of their electronic time. If our son watches a show on my phone, it is leaning up against something, and out of his hands!
Don’t use electronics as a reward!
We’ve heard it said before, and have even said it ourselves: “If you eat your broccoli, you can have a dessert!” “If you clean your room, you can go on the iPad.” “If you do your homework, you can watch TV.” Subconsciously, we are communicating to our children that the end reward is of greater value of the two! In other words, dessert is better than broccoli, iPads are better than maintaining cleanliness, and TV is better than homework. Instead of motivating a child to do something for access to electronics, just encourage them to do it because it’s right. Once they obey, you can casually suggest some screen time, but it doesn’t have to be presented as this high valued “reward!”
Be intentional about what they watch!
Our toddler currently watches one of three shows, not because we want to limit what he watches, but because we want to be aware of what he watches. I walked in the other day to my trusted and true Mr. Rogers teaching my 2 1/2 year old about divorce! Why, Mr. Rogers, Why!?! Thankfully, I caught it just in time as I looked at my toddler’s puzzled face, haha. While my husband and I are thankful that Mr. Rogers always had a reputation of helping parents tackle the “tough topics” with their kids, we are also the type of parents that want it to come from us! We want to teach our son about the tough things in life like divorce when the time is right. Regardless of your stance, don’t assume by the title, or the characters’ friendly face that a certain show, or game is “good” for your child. Get involved, and check the messages being communicated.
Have a consistent limit
Speak with your partner regarding how much TV in one sitting is the max you’d like to consistently have your child watch. This helps the child know what to expect and have an easier time letting go once it’s all done. When we finish a show and have given a five minute warning, we end with a happy, "See you next time, Mr. Rogers!" This affirms that we will indeed see Mr. Rogers again, and he too has to do things to do like brush his teeth, eat dinner, etc.
Be prepared to “let go” of control
It’s inevitable that we will bring our little ones to places where the TV is always on. This can be a little challenging whether it’s at a restaurant, doctor’s office, friend’s house, or families house. In the event that there is TV on in a restaurant, we try to position our kids away from the TV. If we’re at a friend or family member’s house with inappropriate content for a 2 year old, we will kindly request to change the channel. I may also distract with a separate activity in another room, playing outside, or letting my son watch a more appropriate program on my phone in a separate room. Sometimes, there are times when the TV is continuously on, but the program is not harmful, and in those events we just have to let control go!
Outside experiences over screen time
Another easy way to avoid being tempted to turn on the TV is to give your children an active “out of the home” life. There’s no place like home, but there’s also a ton of adventure waiting for you on the outside! Explore the library, zoo, public gardens, museums, etc. All of this can be planned out to finish right in time for nap time, or even bedtime if you’re feeling lucky!
Make the most of TV time
We make TV time a very focused time. If we didn’t put our son in his high chair, I imagine, like any toddler, he wouldn’t sit still for long! Placing him in his chair during screen time allows him to focus solely on his program, and me to get the most I’m able to accomplished while shuffling around the house!
Avoid using electronics in public
Again, electronics are not the enemy, but I do notice they are often the first resort in terms of entertainment when out in public. Many parents bring iPads to restaurants, or doctors offices to distract their child as they wait. During this time, the child isn’t learning how to operate in public. He isn’t learning how to be social. He isn’t taking in the world around him. He is merely staring into the screen. We find it works best to only use electronics in public as a last resort…for those days when maybe the child is “acting out” and needs a distraction as a result to a frustrating factor he cannot control. For example, on a 3.5 hour flight schedule at 1am, our child was restless. After exhausting all other attempts at entertainment, we let him watch his program. In public places, we want our children to learn to socialize, that we don’t yell in a restaurant, run, or talk about poop, haha. These lessons can be taught more effectively to kids if they are off the screens and alert in their environment!
Sickness trumps the rules.
There is one event where I would 100% go beyond our 1 hour limit to TV every time, and that is sickness. One of my many favorite childhood memories was being sick, funny enough! My mom would set me up on our living room couch on top of a bed sheet with a garbage can for...ya know. She would give me a little snack table for my toast, or saltines, napkins, a large water bottle, and unlimited TV/movies of my choice (approved by her of course)! It was a treat to be sick, haha! I want to provide the same level of enjoyment and comfort in the sad event of my little boy getting sick too!
Big life transitions require big time grace!
Sometimes we go through big transitions such as: having a baby, moving into a new house, being sick ourselves, relocating, illness of a family member, etc. These instances are not the time for feeling guilt, or shame with excess screen time. These are just a few periods of life where grace is needed! Once your situation is back to normal, you can get back into your regular screen time routine!
Be the example
This is a definite work in progress for me…especially since starting my Instagram, and my blog six months ago! As a new mom, I used my phone as an escape to distract me during late night feedings (which I still do,) and the beautiful monotony of newborn life! However, I’ve reached a point where my son is interactive, and requires my full attention! The other day, he looked at me, and said, "Mama, can you put your phone down?" That’s tragic and a relief all at the same time. 1. It’s tragic that my sweet little son had to ask me to get off my phone to play with him, and 2. It’s a relief that my son sees more value in spending time with me at this point rather than my phone. My thoughts for the future is to implement a system where I check my phone at certain times of the day as to not interrupt our great fun!
Thanks for reading our approach to toddlers and screen time! Did you find this blog post helpful? If so, please let me know in the comments below, and feel free to share with a friend! Screen time can be a wonderful educational tool, and even wonderful for leisure, but creating balance and healthy habits is key! Were there any parenting struggles in regards to screen time not addressed that you'd like to hear from my experience? Leave your questions in the comments below! Have a happy Monday, everyone! So thankful to have you apart of my growing cool, calm, and collected community!! It means so much to have you support me!
Cool, Calm, and Collectedly Yours,
